What Do You Do?

I hate the question, “What do you do?”

Most askers expect to hear a job title or a life status such as “retired” or “keep my sugar daddy happy.”

I generally give a short answer of, “I’m a lie detector.”

But that’s somewhat of a lie. Even the polygraph machine that is often referred to as a lie detector isn’t one. No machine or person can conclusively tell if someone is lying, and if they say they can, they’re lying.

What the polygraph does is like what I do – pick up on changes from baseline. The machine registers autonomic changes such as breathing, heart rate, body temperature. Those instances where there is a change often signals deceit.

My focus is on forensic statement analysis, which picks up on nuances in the words and phrases people use. Changes in baseline often signal deceit.

As you can see from the above, that’s a lengthy response to “What do you do?” Saying, “I’m a lie detector” usually suffices.

I also have gone by titles: Comedian, corporate comedian, clean comedian, humorist, motivational humorist, funny speaker, keynote speaker, keynoter, and my least favorite but good for SEO purposes, funny motivational speaker.

Most people hear “motivational speaker” and they think of the likes of Tony Robbins or Mel Robbins (no relation … to my knowledge, just the first two people I thought of).

I don’t do that kind of rah-rah presentation.

“Comedian” also has interesting connotations. Some people think that’s akin to being a celebrity. Yes, I am kind of a big deal, but often more of a legend in my own mind.  However, in the humorist/speaking world, claiming to be a comedian can drastically cut my paycheck and perceived value.

Event and meeting planners hear, “Comedian” and they think silly, pie in the face, no educational value, and therefore much smaller speaker fee.

I had a mentor tell me to say former comedian  because that suggests that I am entertaining and have more value now because I offer up laughs AND information.

For the record, I do still on occasion perform as a stand-up comedian, but lately it’s just short sets for charity events. My focus is now bringing my message to the big stage – the corporate environment such as conventions and conferences.

Oh that reminds me to add InfoTainer to the list.

I actually like that one best because it is accurate. I inform on deception detection while entertaining audiences. But that also leads to, “you’re a …what?”

Erma Bombeck and Jeanne Robertson are well known humorists. They’re both story tellers. Sometimes they have a message; other times their purpose is entertainment only. You’d expect a comedian to perform generally 5-30 minutes. A humorist would deliver her message via a book or a stage performance usually lasting 60+ minutes.

That long answer is that I am an author (yes, I wrote a book), speaker, humorist.  I train others how to tell if someone is lying by delivering a highly entertaining keynote/training using hilarious examples, audience participation, my own rags to riches story, and introducing my 3-Step process that leaves the audience confident that they can become proficient in Lie Spotting: From the Bedroom to the Boardroom.

Now do you see why I usually respond, “I’m a lie detector”?