As some of you may have heard, marijuana is legal now in Michigan. And I lose my bloody mind every time I get behind a mystery van and Shaggy is all geeked out on Scooby snacks.
I know they’re just looking to get their Cheesy Gordita Crunch on. The upside is that my Taco Bell stock is going to allow me to retire.
I’m trying to look on the bright side: All these potheads are keeping us from having to fix the potholes. If they’re only driving 17 mph, there’s no need to raise the gas tax to fix the darn roads.
We need to re-do the speed limit signs though and make them speed minimums. If a jogger passes you, please speed up. There are no school zones on 131.
At least 20-car pileups will be a thing of the past. We’ll have a hard time getting 2 cars to pile up, when they can’t get out of 1st gear. It’s hard to get hit by a Prius going 4 mph.
But those of us who don’t smoke the devil’s lettuce are going to suffer from ROAD RAGE because we’re all hopped up on our drug of choice, Satan’s Sauce: Starbucks.
We need to figure out how to co-exist, because uppers and dowers on the same road is a bad pairing. Stoners think they’re driving on a cloud; and I’m driving my Subaru like it’s on a Hot Wheels track.
If I’m going to get enough momentum to blast off into a loop, you’re going to have to STEP ON IT. The gas pedal is the one on the right. GO GO GO GO GOOOOOOOOO
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