Fight or Flight – Straight Talk for Guys
I asked Kent R. Jones, Executive Director for Operations, Defensive Countermeasures Institute to be a guest blogger today because I know that some (many) men have a hard time with the issue of personal security and crime avoidance. You fellas tend to translate this vital topic into “stuff that women need for self defense”. While that is true to some degree, crimes and victimization know no gender. So guys, this one is for you: to the guys… from a guy.
One Man’s Opinion
Most men have been programmed from an early age to take on the role of gatekeeper—the first and last line of defense between social delinquents and a host of other threats to our families and loved ones. As men we’ve been taught—and have often demonstrated—that generally we are physically stronger that our female counterparts, and in line with these teachings, real men have come to know that it is unacceptable to force ourselves physically on women—instead, we protect them from harm.
However, this manner of preparing a young boy for his role later in life can lead to conflict and confusion. Take for example a boy who comes home after school from a day of being bullied, or perhaps had a scuffle at the local playground over use of a soccer ball. The child might remain aloof and venture directly to his room to avoid socializing with other family members. This can be due in part from embarrassment from the shiner, or lingering anxiety from the encounter. Enter conflict and confusion.
Mom sees this as an opportunity to engage school officials about the unacceptable behavior of an isolated group of pupils and demand that corrective action be immediately taken. Dad on the other hand is prepared to enroll his son in a Tae-Kwon-Do class and after six weeks of instruction, is prepared to drive his son to the very playground where it all started and seek out the little social misfits so his son can dish out oriental-style vengeance.
Of course, a more rational approach is a combination of both viewpoints; learning to negotiate a non-violent conclusion, while at the same time mastering the skill sets needed to defend oneself when the situation clearly dictates the need to do so.
Adopting a “Flight or Fight” mindset might seem as a foreign way of thinking for some, and in fact many men will not accept it as feasible. For them standing ground and taking an offensive posture is the only way to confront threats, and violence often is the end result.
There is one important matter that should be considered when adopting this approach to problem solving—that is, you are unlikely to carry out your role as ‘gatekeeper’ if you are seriously injured or incarcerated because you chose to fight without giving full consideration to your options.
When a threat materializes and options to disengage or turn-the-other-cheek no longer exist, then fight like a caged lion. Your survival is of paramount concern. By this I mean you have every right and responsibility to deliver enough violence to eliminate the threat from all quarters. Just remember, until such time as all avenues of escape are closed, a strategically acceptable course of action is to walk away and continue preparation to fight another day.
Your family is counting on you and your father will be even prouder of the man you have become.
Don’t Be Tricked by Trick-or-Treaters
Halloween is right around the corner. Little witches and Spider Men will dot the streets as the children go house to house with that ever familiar “Trick or Treat” chant, hoping to fill their pillow cases with enough candy to ensure an extra trip to the dentist.
As a homeowner it is fun to see all the costumes and to bring smiles to the kiddos faces as you plop Tootsie Rolls and Twix bars into their bag. Though, in the midst of the festivities it’s always important to be wise when opening the door to strangers.
Many communities have posted customary times for the children to be out – generally 5pm-8pm or thereabouts. Invariably each year, long after the last princess has been tucked safely at home in her bed, and after porch lights are turned out marking the close of another Halloween – kids who appear to be far too old to be out trick-or-treating will rap at your darkened door, assumedly looking for sweets.
It never fails; the streets will be empty and nary a house light remaining on. Some of these teens are so old their voices sound like grown men as they bark “TRICK OR TREAT” apparently ignoring the fact that you’ve either chosen not to participate in the tradition or that you’re all done for the night – as signified by no porch light shining.
Do not feel compelled to open the door. Most of these tardy candy beggars are likely innocent teens who have no real concept of ‘too late to be out knocking on doors’. Yet it would be naïve to assume anyone rapping on your door at 10pm merely wants a Snicker’s bar. This could be an opportune time for attackers or burglars to gain entry to your home – after all, it’s Halloween, right? Prime time to let your guard down to strangers at your door.
I’m not suggesting you should be paranoid of every vampire that shows up at your door. Just to be vigilant and make wise choices. After a reasonable amount of time has passed for the majority of kids to make the rounds, turn out your porch light and lock your door – all of your doors, and enjoy the remainder of your evening without interruption for late comers.
Proof of our society’s decline is that Halloween has become a broad daylight event for many. ~Robert Kirby
About the Author: Laurie Ayers is a speaker, author and personal safety and crime avoidance specialist who has given seminars in schools, organizations and corporations. Her message is inspiring, humorous and empowering; delivering the importance of making wise choices to protect ourselves and those we love. Learn more at http://www.LaurieAyers.com
FTC Compliance Disclosure: I am a member of the Kwikset-sponsored SmartSquad and occasionally receive incentives to discuss issues related to home safety and security.
Why We Have Troops in Afghanistan
Hard to believe that in less than one month we will honor those who lost their lives on September 11, 2001. It’s been ten years already. Few would have predicted a decade ago that we’d still have troops in Afghanistan. Just last week we experienced the single deadliest loss for U.S. troops since the Afghan war began in late 2001, 30 service members sacrificed their lives when insurgents are believed to have shot down their helicopter.
These tragic news headlines led to a recent conversation pertaining to why we have U.S. Troops in Afghanistan. I am reposting part of it here because it’s important that all Americans understand why our troops are there fighting. The question was asked by a U.S. Citizen who does not agree with or who does not understand exactly why our men and women of the Armed Forces are in the Middle East. I am keeping the questioner’s identity anonymous, because I suspect this person is not the only one who holds these views, nor do I see any point in calling out any individual.
The responses you see below are provided by Kent R. Jones, President and CEO of Defensive Countermeasures Institute, LLC. His personal security expertise is derived from over 35 years combined military and federal government service spanning five continents. He is also a veteran of US Special Operations.
Q: Can someone remind me why we are in Afghanistan?
Jones: [Name] with all due respect, Al Qaeda used training bases in Taliban controlled Afghanistan to launch the 9-11 terror attacks. Coalition forces continue to fight to deny return to power of the Taliban, and support a fledgling democracy under Afghan President Karzai. It is a sad day, but the troopers who lost their lives Saturday knew what they were fighting for – their lives were not lost in vain.
Q: Our country needs to get its head out of its ass! I will always support our troops no matter where our screwed up government sends them.
Jones: I have not called into question your support of the troops. I commented directly with a reminder of the reason we are still in Afghanistan. Your suggestion that our country “has its head up its ass” is far too narrow as a viewpoint. I fail to see the implied correlation between misguided foreign policy and the selfless sacrifices of our men and women in uniform. We live in a Democracy. Soldiers do not send themselves to war…their elected officials do. Voters—and presumably you exercise this right— have a civil responsibility to become educated with a broad range of universal issues and recognize that actions at the ballot box have far reaching consequences, often affecting the lives of Patriots standing watch over the Republic.
Saturday’s tragic loss of US military lives is a blunt reminder of the only tangible American debt—that is the debt owed these brave men and others who have given their lives in defense of freedom. Do you really want to know, “why are we there?” The answer is quite clear. “Because you choose to live free, and that is only made possible by the men and women of the Armed Forces.” You and every other freedom loving American are the reason why we are still there.
To truly support the troops you have to have a full understanding of why we fight. Freedom is not free. It comes at a high price in blood and treasure. Being unclear on why we are there offers nothing toward the debt owed our service men and women. They deserve better.
That pretty much sums it up, wrapped in a bow. No fancy closing needed by me. If you had any question why we are in Afghanistan, I trust now you have a better understanding.
We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude. ~Cynthia Ozick
