XYZ PDQ – examine your zipper, pretty darn quick!  If you frequently carry your purse with the zipper open so that you can easily reach your phone or other items, zip it up!

Your purse can be used as a shield or even weapon if a threat arises.  If your pocketbook, bag or tote is wide open and you need to fling your purse toward someone with ill intentions, the contents will also spew all over the place.

Instead of worrying about your personal safety you may find yourself with skewed priorities concerned about your wallet and newest smart phone.

ZIP IT!

I just spent a glorious week at the beach.  I could not have asked for more perfect weather or a more relaxing vacation.  I had lots of time to reflect, dream and watch people.  Though as a crime avoidance specialist, I’m never off the clock.  Unfortunately I witnessed more than a few deadbeat parents at the lake shore.

I realize that typically the term “deadbeat parent” is often used to refer to obligor parents who have freely chosen not to be a financially supportive parent in their children’s lives.  However in this case, I am using the term to refer to parents who are so engrossed in their own tan at the beach that their children become potential victims of abduction.

On any given sunny day, a sandy beach will look like a group of multicolored ants swarming a sidewalk that contains melted drippings from an ice cream cone. Sun worshipers are everywhere and the shore is filled with the jovial noise of laughter and shrills of delight as children of all ages jump the waves and frolic in the water.  It’s the perfect storm for a kidnapper.

I watched in horror the ambivalence of a set of grandparents with their noses in books as their young charge was playing solo down at the water’s edge; a dad chatting with his buddy while they sat facing the sun (all the better to work on his tan doncha know) oblivious  to his elementary aged daughter who was at his back, alone in the water repeatedly whining “dad, dad, dad, dad, you promised to come in and play with me”; and then there was the mother sunning herself with a towel over her face, ear buds in both ears as her young son was at least 75 feet away busy tormenting the seagulls.

These Deadbeat Parents are obligated to take watch over their children, yet they freely chose not to be responsible or take an active role in the welfare of their children’s lives.  They cared more about their book and their tan than the whereabouts of their own children!

If you don’t think that abductors watch for just such an opportunity, you’re kidding yourself.   There was so much noise, so many people and so much activity, any of those unattended children could have easily and quickly been snatched away.  It’s not uncommon to see parents with crying children in tow as they exit the beach.  We figure that they are simply fighting the extrication because they don’t want to go, the sand is too hot or they are merely tired.

I like to relax on the beach just as much as the next person.  But all things change when you have children.  We have designated drivers to ensure adults get home safely; yet to some it’s a foreign concept to have designated spotters on the beach to ensure our children can enjoy the great outdoors and return home safely at the end of the day. (And I’m not referring to passing this responsibility on to a lifeguard!)  If you don’t have another responsible party to take turns watching your children, then your tan and crossword puzzle will need to wait for another day.

Sadly, those who need to hear this message will never see it or think it doesn’t pertain to them. It’s time we all take a stand when we witness these deadbeat parents. No one wants to get involved; no one wants to offend another parent. No one wants to watch the frequent news stories of yet another missing child or attend a funeral for a child either.  But we do.

I never worry about action, but only inaction. – Winston Churchill

Two cousins, an eleven year old girl and an eight year old boy walked back into the woods on the family’s property to go play in their fort.  A while later the father received a phone call from the children that they had gotten lost and were at a house of someone who let them use the phone.

The father was obviously shaken by this event but relieved when he was reunited with the children.  He was also somewhat baffled that his daughter would go into a stranger’s home to use a phone.  This was a topic that they discussed repeatedly, and he was confident that his little princess was well versed in Stranger Danger.

She explained to her dad that they became twisted around in the woods and couldn’t find their way back.  They kept walking until they came to a road, found a house, knocked on the door and asked to use the phone.  It wasn’t until the little cousin walked into the house that the older girl felt responsible to go into the house to retrieve him.

All turned out well in this situation but it could have gone horribly wrong.  It also serves as a very real example that while you may be comfortable that your children know what to do or not to do with regard to interaction with strangers, children are not as equipped to make the best choices in the event of an unexpected occurrence – such as the cousin walking into the stranger’s house.

What could the children have done differently?

1. Once they realized they were lost, they should have just stayed put.  Their loved ones would have realized they were gone longer than anticipated and then went to their last known locale to find them.  On the rare chance they remained unfound by nightfall they should have advance knowledge of wilderness survival skills, such as covering up with leaves to keep warm. Above all else – stop walking further away; sit and wait to be rescued.
2. The young girl did the right thing by asking to use a phone, knew which phone numbers to call and stayed outside.  She knew that.  It wasn’t until the young cousin went into the house that the girl went in to retrieve him.  This is sweet that she was taking care of her little cousin and knew he shouldn’t be in there, though she should have yelled to him from outside the home.  Using her outside voice she should have called out “Johnny! Come back out here … NOW!”  Little Johnny hopefully would have high tailed it outside of the home.

What could the parent have done differently?

1. The parent could have ensured that the children had a cell phone with them.  Granted, eight and eleven is too young to need a cell phone, by many parents’ standards, however they could have taken a two-way radio or borrowed Dad’s cell phone while they were out at the fort.
2. It’s hard to foresee every unanticipated scenario.  I don’t know if I would have had the forethought to even consider this particular situation (little cousin walking into the home).  Though it’s a nice reminder to not once, but often, talk about Stranger Danger with your children, and to discuss some wacky what-if scenarios.  He could have fun with it – making some valid “What would you do if” situations, and then throwing in some absurd and silly ones, all to make a memorable point.

Fortunately this situation turned out to be nothing more than a teachable moment.  For many other parents, their reality is that they’re still waiting for their children to come home or worse, they’ve had to bury a child.

For more information on Ten Ways Parents Can Keeps Kids Safe this Summer, visit www.missingkids.com

Summer is here and kids both young and young at heart love amusement parks.  One doesn’t need to drive too far to find one of many scattered across the country.

Before you go, keep in mind these three important tips to ensure your personal safety.

1.    Use lockers to store valuables or keep your necessities with you at all times. Today’s amusement parks now have some fantastic water rides.  Nothing says cool off better than a trip up the Lazy River or down the Adventure Falls.  Signage warns, “You will get soaked”.   Most parks now have barrels or shelving where you can place your belongings before boarding the water ride.  Anyone with a backpack, cell phone or wallet certainly would not want to have those items drenched; therefore they set their items in a staging area to ensure they stay dry.  However signage also warns, ‘Not responsible for lost or stolen items’.  The staging location is not manned or monitored.  Anyone could walk over to the shelves and grab any backpack or tote bag that looked interesting.  Unknowing ride passengers have just made their wallet, cell phone, keys and personal information available to a complete stranger.  Next time, opt for a zip lock bag to store your valuables, place them inside a backpack and take everything with you on the water ride.  So what if your tote gets wet; your personal information will remain secure at your side.

2.   Have a plan should you become separated from your family.  Even if everyone has a cell phone, still develop a plan.  You never know when your battery will die or phone get misplaced.  Decide at the onset where you will meet if you suddenly turn around and find a family member missing. If after a very brief time of not reuniting at the predesignated spot, contact park security.  Time is not on your side should you become separated in such a large park with so many people.

3.    Keep young children with you at all times. This should go without saying. Yet on a recent trip to an amusement park I witnessed a potentially horrific situation.  An older gentleman, presumably Grandpa, was pushing a stroller with a small tot inside.  Walking just ahead were two young ladies and two other children approximately four & six years old, presumably the gentleman’s daughters and possibly mothers to the children.  The ladies and young kids were enjoying a day at the park while Grandpa was there to get some fresh air and watch the stroller-bound toddler. On more than one occasion, I watched Grandpa leave the toddler unattended in the stroller and walk away 75 feet or more so that he could photograph the elementary aged grandchildren.  This poor toddler was strapped in the stroller sleeping with not a soul watching her. Grandpa was oblivious and clearly not watching the stroller while he waved and snapped photos of the other children enjoying the Frog Hopper ride. In a blink of an eye someone would have snatched the stroller and been concealed among all the other park goers that day.

The summer is a fabulous time for needed rest, relaxation and loads of fun.  Make all your memories positive ones. Pack your sunscreen, laugh much, enjoy and BE SAFE!

More recently, on the Ellen Degeneres talk show, she too likes to play a version of Guess the Secret Word. It’s pretty hilarious as she baits her celebrity guests in the most unusual way to get them to say her secret word.

While having a secret word can certainly be entertaining it, it can also be a serious subject and can potentially save lives and prevent child abductions. The information below is relevant whether you have a preschooler or a high schooler.

From the time your child is old enough to understand verbal communication he or she should know the family secret word. It’s not to be shared with others but only used in the event that you need someone else, someone different, to pick up your child from school, daycare, practice or wherever your child may be that you are not.

If you are normally the one to pick up your child and you become detained for whatever reason, you likely have a backup – friend, neighbor or relative who will retrieve your child. Likely your child will know this person and have no problems getting into a vehicle with the substitute taxi driver.

What if, however there was an instance when you needed the aid of a co-worker or some other adult to help you out and pick up little Johnny or Suzy; someone your child did not know? Would you be comfortable knowing that your child went with this “stranger” simply because the adult said, “Your mom has to work late and asked me to pick you up?”

I hope you wouldn’t be comfortable in this scenario. I hope you have thoroughly discussed the dangers of going anywhere with anyone they do not know.

Decide together what the secret word will be – could be the name of a stuffed animal, or a character in a book or a favorite food or some made up word. It doesn’t matter what the word is, but it is one that your child will know is a Safe Word. Then if an unfamiliar friendly stranger is needed to pick up the child, the child will know not to go with this person unless the adult provides the Safe Word.

For example, if your safe word is “marshmallow,” instead of saying “your mom has to work late, she asked me to pick you up.” Your emergency back-up would say something like “You mom is making marshmallow treats for that event tonight and couldn’t leave with the stove on, so she asked me to pick you up.”

The sentence doesn’t need to be entirely accurate or even be totally believable; it just needs to contain the safe word, to silently alert the child that it’s ok to leave with this person.

There are also a couple other alternatives to this notification system.

One is to just point blank have the child ask the stranger: “What’s the secret word?” If the adult doesn’t know it, the child doesn’t go with him/her.

You could also have a secret handshake instead of a secret word. When my children were little they used to love holding my hand. Ok, probably more like I used to love holding their hands (I still do) but they were more willing to indulge me. At any rate, we had a secret hand shake that consisted of a pattern of varied squeezes, and it signified “I love you”. It was also used as our notification system if I ever was not available to pick them up. If they didn’t know the person, the person needed to know our secret handshake before they would go with them.

Whether you use a secret word or secret handshake; whether deployed covertly or overtly, the delivery doesn’t matter. The key is to have a secret notification system to be used in the case of emergencies. Practice different scenarios until you are confident that your child would know what to do in this situation. Once you’re comfortable knowing that your child would not go with a stranger, periodically bring up the subject just as reinforcement.

This can be something silly and memorable that you do with your children, so long as everyone understands the importance of why you are doing it. If you don’t have this plan in place, take care of it tonight before your children go to sleep.

It is important to recognize that garage and yard sales attract attention.  Who among us has not made a U-turn or circled the block after seeing a makeshift sign offering direction to a ‘Good Junk’ or have highlighted a listing found in the local newspaper?

These forms of advertising are relatively inexpensive and usually serve their intended purpose, which is to attract buyers.  What they also accomplish is invite strangers to your home.  So, here are a few points to keep in mind when planning to make a few extra bucks this summer by selling items you no longer use or need.

1.  Consider partnering with neighbors and friends to host your sale during the same period of time. Multi-family sales attract larger numbers of seekers and enhance security for the sellers. You’ll have to select a large enough location that is suitable for everyone’s goods to be placed on display, but it also negates telegraphing to strangers who lives in a specific home.

This is especially important when infant ware and items used by children are sold.

Bassinettes, walkers, infant clothing and the like are a clear indicator that a child lives in the home. Likewise, consumer advocates have lobbied for years to mandate labeling on products intended for children, which identifies age appropriateness.  A child in the early stages of physical and mental development quickly outgrows educational computer software, board games as well as storybooks geared toward younger children.  Once no longer used, these items make their way to the display tables and bins—often times in the original manufacturer’s packaging.  This information offers further confirmation to a child abductor or sexual predator and reveals a child’s age and in some cases confirms gender.

2. If you elect to host the event at your home arrange to have someone sit with you. This is extremely important when a small child is present at the home—whether sleeping indoors or with you outside. Someone must be available to watch over things should you be drawn to respond to a child’s feeding or other parental chore. When choosing an assistant, ensure that the person is capable of rendering aid or assistance as needed—whether placing a phone call or alerting you to a problem.

3. All visitor activities should be conducted in full view of others.  Occasionally, large furniture or appliances are offered for sale.  These items should never be shown inside the home.  Instead, consider photographing the items to show perspective buyers, or make an appointment for viewing.  The latter allows you to ensure someone is present with you if you must invite a stranger into your home. Also, if you have a sitter with you, ensure that she is available for the duration of your sale.

4.  Do a little web-surfing.  Visit the sites hosted by State and Local police agencies; looking for registered sex offenders with residences within your zip code and surrounding communities. Often times, photos and brief criminal bio’s are available allowing you to become familiar with the physical characteristics of the convicted offender.  This information may also be printed and placed where it may be quickly retrieved if you become suspicious.  In this light, if you believe that a known sexual predator visited your home, after they depart and you have made the area safe, report the incident to your local law enforcement authorities immediately. Report only what you suspect to be true and accurate.

5.  Finally, think carefully about what items you will offer for sale.  Don’t fall into the trap of clearing out everything in your home and pushing it to the curb for every passerby to pick through.  If your have a young child in the home please be mindful of what information someone may determine about that child—review the points above carefully as a guide.  Also, consider consignment shops for items that are identified with infants or, better yet donate them to your local church or charity.  This is an excellent way to practice keeping your child safe and helping others during this time of economic challenge.

With proper forethought and planning you can have a safe and successful yard sale and practice personal security measures, as well.  Stay Safe!

One Man’s Opinion

Most men have been programmed from an early age to take on the role of gatekeeper—the first and last line of defense between social delinquents and a host of other threats to our families and loved ones.   As men we’ve been taught—and have often demonstrated—that generally we are physically stronger that our female counterparts, and in line with these teachings, real men have come to know that it is unacceptable to force ourselves physically on women—instead, we protect them from harm.

However, this manner of preparing a young boy for his role later in life can lead to conflict and confusion.  Take for example a boy who comes home after school from a day of being bullied, or perhaps had a scuffle at the local playground over use of a soccer ball.  The child might remain aloof and venture directly to his room to avoid socializing with other family members.  This can be due in part from embarrassment from the shiner, or lingering anxiety from the encounter.   Enter conflict and confusion.

Mom sees this as an opportunity to engage school officials about the unacceptable behavior of an isolated group of pupils and demand that corrective action be immediately taken.  Dad on the other hand is prepared to enroll his son in a Tae-Kwon-Do class and after six weeks of instruction, is prepared to drive his son to the very playground where it all started and seek out the little social misfits so his son can dish out oriental-style vengeance.

Of course, a more rational approach is a combination of both viewpoints; learning to negotiate a non-violent conclusion, while at the same time mastering the skill sets needed to defend oneself when the situation clearly dictates the need to do so.

Adopting a “Flight or Fight” mindset might seem as a foreign way of thinking for some, and in fact many men will not accept it as feasible.  For them standing ground and taking an offensive posture is the only way to confront threats, and violence often is the end result.

There is one important matter that should be considered when adopting this approach to problem solving—that is, you are unlikely to carry out your role as ‘gatekeeper’ if you are seriously injured or incarcerated because you chose to fight without giving full consideration to your options.

When a threat materializes and options to disengage or turn-the-other-cheek no longer exist, then fight like a caged lion.  Your survival is of paramount concern.  By this I mean you have every right and responsibility to deliver enough violence to eliminate the threat from all quarters.   Just remember, until such time as all avenues of escape are closed, a strategically acceptable course of action is to walk away and continue preparation to fight another day.

Your family is counting on you and your father will be even prouder of the man you have become.

Mother walked up to the fitting room with two children – a little girl approximately three years old and a boy who was no more four or five. The mom and little girl went in to try on bathing suits.  They had at least six different suits in hand (this is relevant as it shows they were going to be in there a while).  The mom parked the little boy well out of reach and out of view of the dressing rooms and instructed him to stay in the cart and wait there.  Away mom and sister went – out of sight, out of ear shot and out of reach.  The little boy was left totally unattended.

I understand that mom may have wanted her son to stay in the cart to keep him out of trouble; yet he was a sitting duck. The store was very busy and there were a lot of people coming and going.  It would have been so easy for anyone to grab the cart and sweep the little boy away without anyone noticing.

If you’re thinking that no one could get away with taking the boy because the young lad would make a lot of noise and start screaming, think again.  Have you ever heard a screaming kid in a store?  I sure have.  I have heard kids who won’t stop hollering and I have also experienced this first hand.

I like to remind my teenie bop how the one time she threw an out of control, temper tantrum we were in Target (she was young).  She wanted to get out of the cart and started screaming her little lungs off making a huge ruckus.  As I exited the store to deal with my terrific two year old, you would have thought I was kidnapping her and there was no way I could have been her mother the way she was carrying on.  My point is that it would not have been terribly out of place for a young kid to be causing a disturbance in a store.

Back to the dressing room scene:  My daughter finished in the dressing room and we departed for another part of the store.  We later circled back around to the area near the fitting rooms and low and behold the little boy was still sitting in the cart alone – mom nowhere in sight.

What is wrong with people?

I get that it can be challenging when a mom has a little boy with her – or a dad has his daughter.  Yet there are plenty of work-arounds.

1. She could have brought the little boy into the dressing room and had him turn his back to the corner as his little sister changed.
2. She could have brought him into the dressing room area and had him stand immediately outside the fitting room door. Mom still would have been able to see her son’s feet as he waited.
3. She could have left her son in the cart and parked it much closer to the entrance, selected a fitting room up front, sent her daughter into the changing room while mom stood outside the door able to keep an eye on both of her children.

I hung around long enough to see the mom and sister eventually exit the dressing room and be reunited with the little boy. But what is really sad is that this mom (and countless others like her) saw absolutely nothing wrong with leaving a young child unattended.

How do we create a paradigm shift to change this mindset?

I highly disagree.  Money most definitely should slow you down.

Cold hard American cash is quite lovely to use. People shouldn’t be made to feel ostracized or rushed for using it.  Too many times when I have been at a gas station or store and opted to use cash, I have had people nipping at my heels for me to get the heck out of the way the second the cashier placed the change into my hands.

Are we really in that much of a hurry that we can’t allow the person in front of us 12 extra seconds (or less) to place the change into her wallet and purse, then gather herself before leaving the cashier counter?

And you who allow yourself to be bullied and step away from the counter with your wallet wide open, cash still in your hand – why do you make yourself vulnerable by leaving before you’ve gathered your belongings and cash?  That is just asking for trouble.

So what if the person behind you starts huffing or making a rude comment – we’re talking all of twelve seconds to fold your dollar bills back into your wallet and place your thirteen cents change back into the proper compartment before grabbing your keys and zipping up your purse.

I so very often mention the importance of having domain awareness at all times.  If you’re juggling money, a receipt, belongings and an open purse do you really think you’re fully capable of having keen awareness to your surroundings?  Or is it possible you’re sending a message that you’re easy prey because you’re distracted in four different directions at once?

The next time you’re at a counter stopped to pay for something; take a deep breath, ignore anyone behind you who has decided that 12 seconds is going to make or break their life, and gather yourself before you leave.

We only get one life – make the best of it and stay safe!

How many more joggers need to die before we ‘get it’?

This is not the first time I’ve talked about how most assaults are preventable.  What saddens me is that there have been numerous news programs this week talking with personal safety “experts” who have recommended carrying a whistle and providing self defense instruction on what to do in the event of an attack.  Yet there has been no mention of avoiding an attack all together.  What about prevention and being on the offense instead of highlighting the defense?

Stories of joggers being attacked, raped and murdered are not new.  Almost every case resulted in a jogger who was out alone in an isolated area.

Even the Surgeon General warns us that cigarettes cause cancers, results in fetal injury and is dangerous to your health.  Do we need to have an official SG warning that jogging alone in isolated areas has been known to cause death?

Sure, we can introduce more legislation pertaining to the criminal justice system, and that very well may be needed.  But isn’t there an immediate, easily obtainable fix?  Do not jog alone and avoid isolated areas. Period.

It sure sounds simple enough.  Though the fact is there will continue to be outdoor activities, such as jogging or cycling, that enthusiasts will continue to engage in – alone.  If you’re choosing to do so – at least do all within your span of control to avoid becoming a victim.

Despite recent headlines, you’re still going to jog alone – aren’t you? So I might as well give you some crime avoidance tips:

The nature of these sports compels us to overtake uncleared space as we advance along the route, thus reducing needed reaction time should a threat occur. Unless you consider a bicycle pump or a size 8 running shoe as defensive tools, you rely heavily on the senses to alert you to dangers that may be encountered and to figure out a Plan B should the need arise.

It’s Got a Good Beat and It’s Easy to Jog To

Unfortunately, one scenario that can be seen time and time again is runners and cyclists wearing ear buds and keeping pace with the aid their IPod. If you ever what to signal “distracted and vulnerable” to an assailant, there is better way then by huffing and puffing while bobbing your head to the beat of Beyonce’s Single Ladies.

Chance are better than even that at some point you’ll step off a curb or ride directly in the path of some similarly distracted motorist who is listening to Rocky’s Theme Song, Gonna Fly Now. Not the type of meeting that leads to “Happily ever after.”

Dispense with the earbuds. Unless you’re running with a pack of Secret Service agents at your heels, you’re traveling much too lightly in most instances to defend yourself -  unless of course, you can outrun your attacker. Your senses need to be heightened and remain sharp.

It’s Better With a Buddy

Instead of jogging alone just please find a partner who enjoys the sport as much as you, someone you can rely on to keep an activity schedule that works for you. Together you can increase your degree of vigilance and reduce vulnerability. In addition, the time may prove to be more enjoyable if you find someone to share it with. Another benefit comes from the subtle competition that occurs between you and your partner and the discovery that she or he is wheezing just as hard as you are.  If you can’t find someone you’re either not looking hard enough or perhaps you should stay inside your home and jog on your Rebounder.

Don’t Take off Willy Nilly

Know the route and let others know it too. Drive as much of the route as possible beforehand becoming as familiar with it as possible. Look for blind spots, low lying or wooded areas. Also, remain alert for designated parking areas or rest spots along your route where vehicles may remain parked for periods of time without raising suspicions. These are danger points for joggers, hikers and others; particularly if traveling alone and on the fringes of populated areas. When you are able to describe to others the route from start to finish, you’ll have done your homework. Be sure to plan enough time for your outing that allows you a return to your safe area well before night falls. If you need to cut the run or ride short, then so be it or put it off for another day.

360 Degree of Awareness

During the outing, keep alert for others along your trail. If your route is one well-known and exclusive to runners, your sense of security should immediately heighten if you come into contact with anyone who does not fit the normal activity profile. Always maintain a 360 degree of awareness from start to finish.

If running alone don’t push yourself to the point of physical exhaustion. You’ll be physically less able to fend off an attacker if you are overtaxed and out of breath. And since you will be short-winded your ability to yell or scream for assistance will be at its limits also. For this reason, it is a good idea to have a whistle with you (yes, just like that little expert on TV was saying). Invest in one that uses a plastic or wood ball which can be found at most sporting good stores. Pair this with a detachable lanyard and you’ll be in business.

Lastly, I encourage you to cast off any mind set of “It won’t happen to me.” Be vigilant; be prudent; but don’t be so overconfident that you take off for a jog or bike ride with a naive sense of security. It’s difficult to be taken by surprise when you are well prepared while enjoying your favorite sport.

Be safe!

p.s. – Jogging alone: just don’t do it!