There’s a Skeeter on my Peter
By Laurie | July 20, 2008
Every time I find a new mosquito bite, for some reason, I have to start singing “There’s a Skeeter on my Peter.” I don’t even have a peter, so I don’t know why that tune enters my head and crosses my lips - but it does. For those of you not familiar with that little ditty, it is sung to the tune if “If You’re Happy and You Know it” and goes like this:
- There’s a skeeter on my peter, knock it off
- There’s a skeeter on my peter, knock it off
- There’s a dozen on my cousin’s
- I can hear the bastards buzzin’
- There’s a skeeter on my peter, knock it off
Anyhoo - as long as we’re on the subject of mosquito bites, and well - ’tis the season for them, I thought I’d give you some remedies that can help with the insane itching. Did you know that the itching is caused by the little sucker’s spit? Yup, saliva - stinker hawked right into your leg. How nasty is that? Anyhoo, when the itchin’ starts to bug you, you could put on some oven mitts so as not to scratch or try one of these supposed remedies:
- Baking soda and water paste
- Rub with Soap
- Apply ice (pack, washcloth)
- Calamine Lotion
- 1-percent hydrocortisone cream
- Ibuprofen
- Anti-histamine
- Scotch tape on the bite
- Hot water
- Nail polish
- Mouth wash
- Strong tea mixed with rubbing alcohol
- Vinegar
- Honey
- Meat tenderizer & water paste
- Salt and water paste
- Tums and water paste
- Tooth paste
- Orajel
- Anbasol
- Vicks Vapor Rub
- Preparation H
- Bag Balm
- Gold Bond Medicated cream or powder
- Mylanta
- Tea tree oil
- Lavender oil
- Cedar oil
- Witch hazel
- Crushed Basil
- Lemon juice/slice
- Lime juice/slice
As for me … I just scratch. Hey, if you have an itch - scratch it!
- There’s a skeeter on my peter, knock it off
- There’s a skeeter on my peter, knock it off
- There’s a dozen on my cousin’s
- I can hear the bastards buzzin’
- There’s a skeeter on my peter, knock it off
Topics: Ayers | No Comments »
The Spoon Theory
By Laurie | July 20, 2008
This is an excellent read for anyone who is living with an “invisible” chronic illness. Whether it’s you or someone you know, I highly encourage you to take the time to read this essay.
The Spoon Theory
by Christine Miserandino
www.butyoudontlooksick.com
My best friend and I were in the diner, talking. As usual, it was very late and we were eating French fries with gravy. Like normal girls our age, we spent a lot of time in the diner while in college, and most of the time we spent talking about boys, music or trivial things, that seemed very important at the time. We never got serious about anything in particular and spent most of our time laughing.
As I went to take some of my medicine with a snack as I usually did, she watched me with an awkward kind of stare, instead of continuing the conversation. She then asked me out of the blue what it felt like to have Lupus and be sick. I was shocked not only because she asked the random question, but also because I assumed she knew all there was to know about Lupus. She came to doctors with me, she saw me walk with a cane, and throw up in the bathroom. She had seen me cry in pain, what else was there to know?
I started to ramble on about pills, and aches and pains, but she kept pursuing, and didn’t seem satisfied with my answers. I was a little surprised as being my roommate in college and friend for years; I thought she already knew the medical definition of Lupus. Then she looked at me with a face every sick person knows well, the face of pure curiosity about something no one healthy can truly understand. She asked what it felt like, not physically, but what it felt like to be me, to be sick.
Continued at: www.butyoudontlooksick.com
Topics: Recommendations | 1 Comment »
Do I Stink?
By Laurie | July 17, 2008
Holy cow it’s been hot outside lately. Much too hot to mow the grass or to even do that exercise walk thing. Pity actually.
I was out and about yesterday, doing the Mom’s taxi bit and suddenly I got a whiff of something, or of someone. Woo it made my eyes water. It reminded me yesteryear going into K-mart and instantly smelling their heavily onion-laden week-old hot dogs. Oohwee, that’s some stank.
I looked around to see who or what it could be. Nope, nothing within range. Then I had a horrid thought, “OMG, what if it’s ME! Could I possibly smell THAT stanky? Then I had to take inventory to see if I had taken a shower that day. I honestly can’t remember what the answer was, but I think it must have been that yes, in fact I did get on top of that hygiene deal because I was still pondering the origin of that odor. Whereas if it had been a no, I’d have a solid answer.
Then paranoia snuck in. What if it really was ME? How could I be sure? So I tried the coy personal funk test. First I turned my head to the right and slowly lowered my chin into my shoulder, trying to get a closer whiff of my arm pit. Sniff sniff. Sniffffff. Sniffff. Hmm. Still not sure.
Maybe another angle is better. So I took the collar of my t-shirt (yes I dressed up for that day of errands) and stretched it out and up around my nose – just as I’ve seen four year olds do. Chin down, breathe. Is it me? Crap, I still don’t know. It’s not like it’s obvious, but I still smell it, and I’m the only one here.
So what was left to do but try the Ed Sullivan both hands under pits then smell thee old fingers. I couldn’t help but start to speak in a ridiculous voice and say “really big shew”. Yes I realize I just ostracized half of my reading audience with that little reference. Kids, just Google it; then you’ll know what I’m talking about.
Well all that and I still wasn’t convinced that I was the odoriferous one. I only had one more trick up my sleeve to try. I decided that my neck was sore – ya, ya that’s it… that’s the ticket. My neck was sore, therefore I’d need to circle it around from left then down to right and repeat. Surely I’d be able to tell if that stank was wafting from moi.
It wasn’t very conclusive. The source still eludes me. You’d think that if indeed I was the ground zero of that pewee smell, I’d know it. But then again, if ’tweren’t me, then where oh where was it coming from?
Another one of life’s mysteries.
Hoo boy, sure is hot out there.
Topics: Ayers | No Comments »
Lessons From My 13 Year Old
By Laurie | July 15, 2008
School may be out; but I’m learning lots of lessons from my teenager this summer. Take a lookie see below at some of what I’m learned thus far:
1. If you need to know anything, just ask her – because she’s always right.
2. My butt doesn’t look THAT big in those khaki pants.
3. Falling off of a horse after going airborne does actually hurt.
4. Little sisters don’t know anything.
5. Her Mom doesn’t know anything.
6. She doesn’t need to always have the last word. Nuh-uh. No she doesn’t. Just ask her, she told me so.
7. It’s not cool to use dry humor with her friends. They don’t get it; and it embarrasses her.
8. Everything is my fault; nothing is her fault.
9. She is never wrong.
10. My butt doesn’t look THAT big from “this” angle.
Teenie bops … everyone should have one. Think how much smarter the world would be!
Topics: Ayers, Parenting | 2 Comments »
Dodging Communication
By Laurie | June 29, 2008
I don’t get it – People who claim to be business owners, yet treat their business like a hobby when it comes to communication. I’m referring to those who do not respond to phone messages and emails. Why just recently I encountered the following:
- One biz owner was promoting mentoring services. I contacted the same person over a year ago and have yet to get a response. Just for kicks I contacted her again because I did think she would make a good mentor. Well it’s been over 5 weeks and I have yet to hear back from her. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I obviously won’t be using her services.
- Another business owner was offering advertising space on her supposed well populated WAHM website. She didn’t have a BIN button, but rather a contact me for more information. I also contacted her over 5 weeks ago and told her I wanted to advertise and where to send the money. I have yet to hear from her. Business is so great that she can turn away business when people are handing her money on a silver platter?
- Also recently I’ve been working with some local gentlemen to have some work done on my vehicle. They ran into some snags. I was very understanding as “snags happen.” Also the work that they did perform was top notch – so I was willing to work with them. The pair was also very apologetic and bent over backwards to assure me blah blah blah. Well it’s been five week (what is it with the five week mark) and the work has yet to be completed. Most of it is done and I haven’t given them any money and they have already told me that they will only be charging me cost for parts and not labor due to the snafu however, what kind of business would allow a paying customer to wait five weeks to finish a half completed job?
- I set up some training via telecon recently. I invited 110 people. This was for their benefit. The presenter and I would not gain anything; it was to help those who supposedly needed it. One people (who didn’t really need it) showed up. Two others said “maybe” and 107 other people didn’t bother to RSVP. What is it with communication dodgers lately?
- Then there are contractors – I totally do not understand that group of people. I had an estimate from one guy and he got back to me six weeks later. Hello, would I really wait six (6) weeks for an estimate. And this guy was $3,000 higher than the others! One contractor still has never gotten back to me, and that was 8-9 weeks ago. One contractor did get back to me fairly quickly, however I asked him for something in writing four weeks ago and I have yet to get it, albeit the continued phone calls to remind him.
Ya know, I don’t care if someone doesn’t want to do something. I’m a big believer in some will, some won’t, so what. However communication dodging just really leaves a bad taste in my mouth – especially when it comes to me trying to GIVE someone business.
If you dodge someone’s communication attempts – quit it. It makes you look like a pansy and can’t be taken seriously.
Topics: Ayers, Direct Sales, Entrepreneur | 1 Comment »
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